i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
