I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots