We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.