You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.