Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
