Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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