and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Two words: nipple clamps
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