it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
