YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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