I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
