I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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