We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
