Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
