Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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