Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
