Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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