New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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