I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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