I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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