His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
