You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
