Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
