Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
