just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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