theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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