i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
