You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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