I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
