you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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