Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
