moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
