Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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