Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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