just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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