awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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