My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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