I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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