it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
