bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
