Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
