I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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