Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
