You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize