We won't sleep together?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
