Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
