Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
