Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
