Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
