Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
