im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
