You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
