Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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