im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize