Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
