Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
