it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
